(Originally posted Sept. 3, 2010)

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Noko Noko

Root Beer

So now that I’ve finished my schooling, I’m qualified to teach technology in most schools and businesses.

The trouble with specializing in technology is that there is so much of it that any specialist’s knowledge will inevitably be a little spotty. I can’t learn about everything so, of course, I have developed both strengths and weaknesses within the various realms of technology.

As far as web design goes, I would give myself a 6 out of 10. I built this website from the ground up. I like it, but someone with more experience could probably put together a site with more features. If I was the subject of a technology interview, here is how I think it would go:

Q. Your site looks pretty good on most computers. Was that by design?

A. Yes, I looked up standard monitor sizes in a book and worked out a format that looks good on most standard screens.

Q. Do you plan on giving pages a liquid layout so they will work better on mobile devices?

A. No, liquid layouts are tools of the devil.

Q. Why doesn’t your page include a message board?

A. Access tools were the only part of web design class that I failed. Even if I could write a proper message board, I wouldn’t want it to go live unless I could block swearing, slurs, and people who think online video games should replace console games.

Q. What measures do you take to make sure that your site is still visible by outdated browsers?

A. I place an offering of corn and root beer on my altar to the computer gods and pray that they make everything work out some how.

Q. Do you plan on adding an RSS feed?

A. I have wallpaper with trees and stars.

Q. Do you use any security measures to ensure that your site is protected?

A. Yes, security systems are employed.

Q. What security measures are you taking?

A. Why are you asking about that? Are you a spy? Are you with those seedy adult sites who tried to hijack my server?

Q. No… No, it’s not like that… you got it all wrong…

A. Aha! you’ve come to hack my site and steal my eight faithful readers! Noko, attack!

Noko Noko: PHPFTTHHHH! (attacks)

…And so forth.